LINKS Mentioned In This Episode
Free Parent Phone Call Script Download
Show Transcript
Building relationships with students is the easy part. Working your way into their parents hearts can be quite a challenge for teachers who feel more comfortable in front of an audience of children than an audience of grownups.
Welcome to Beyond the Bedlam, Episode 20!
In this episode, I’m sharing my favorite ways to build relationships with students’ families–specifically their parents. The journey can sometimes feel like there are 1000 dead-end roads, but many times all you need is a bridge to get where you’d like to go!
Hi, Friends, this is Lauren McKenzie and you’re listening to Beyond the Bedlam, a podcast for teacher moms. If you’re new here, I’m a teacher and wife and mom of two who loves to help others make strategic and simple shifts so they can win at home and at school. If you’re overwhelmed, have no time for yourself, and wish someone could help you get a game plan together, you’re in the right place. So turn up the volume, straighten your teacher mom tiara, and get ready to win.
This episode is brought to you by the Win With Kids Playbook, a resource to help you feel calm, confident and equipped as you help students cooperate without drama. To learn more, visit https://beyondthebedlam.com/win.
1:38–That “I Have to Call Their Parents” Feeling
I’ll never forget the first time that I needed to call Chase’s parents. (For the purpose of this podcast. I have changed my student’s name.) I had already been teaching at this time for almost a decade, but I had the biggest lump in my throat before I needed to call Chase’s folks. You see, Chase acted willfully uncooperative multiple class periods in a row, and I really needed some help in knowing what to do to help him to get with the program.
I literally had no good news to share on this particular call, and I had not taken the time to build up any rapport with the family yet. So I really felt kind of like a salesman going to make a cold call on a family during their dinner time with this particular phone call.
This would be the first of many phone calls to Chase’s family. But on this particular day, I decided to call Chase’s mom. She was as sweet as she could be and really actually appreciated my call. And in good news, she was more than willing to work with me. But she didn’t know how to! She actually asked me to call his dad in the future, but went ahead and committed to talking with Chase that particular night.
When we hung up the phone, although I was appreciative of Chase’s mom’s willingness to be supportive, I couldn’t help but be worried that I had missed the chance to build a relationship with his family since I started by calling them with bad news.
3:18–The Secret Strategy
I decided that day that this phone call would be the last one I made where I was still holding the proverbial ball in my own hands without a play ready when I called parents. I was committed to finding a way to put the ball in the parents’ court for all future phone calls. See, putting the ball in a parent’s court has been my secret sauce to winning parents over.
So how do I put that ball in their court? Well, I’ve found a few ways that help parents to be warm, receptive, and willing to listen and cooperate. So let’s dive right into them.
3:57–Call Parents Whenever Possible
The first key is to call parents whenever possible. I especially do this if I can tell right away that I’m going to struggle with a child. If at all possible, I call the parent with good news first. Now, there’s going to be some first week of school “oops” phone calls from time to time that just can’t be avoided. But I try to start with a positive phone call if I can.
The reason that I try to call whenever possible is that email leaves a written record that can be searched at any time by anyone with the credentials to do so. I would prefer to have a cordial conversation that is just heart to heart and grownup to grownup rather than starting by sending an email saying, “Your student is in trouble.” I don’t like to start on that note, so I call parents over emailing 100 times out of 100 if at all possible–especially because you can’t pick up on tone and congeniality as well in an email as you can with a voice to voice conversation. So, whenever possible have a voice to voice conversation.
5:26–Compliment their Child
The second thing that I do to help parents be warm receptive, willing to listen, and cooperative is on the very first interaction with them, I compliment their child. Everyone likes to hear how great and wonderful their own flesh and blood is. And when you compliment their child, it is indirectly complimenting their parenting! Sometimes I even actually call that out and directly compliment their parenting if I can. I just find the smallest thing to encourage them. Many parents have never been told that they’re doing a good job and a lot of parents feel lost. Just like you encourage a student when they’re doing something right, encourage the parent that they are doing something right!
I’ve shared in previous episodes, things that my dad has said to me when I was growing up. One of the things that dad has said that has just kind of stuck with me is, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” So if you can right out of the gate, give the parents some honey instead of vinegar in what you’re discussing with them, that will help them to lower their defenses and be much more willing to cooperate in future scenarios because they feel like you are on their side and not on the opposing side.
7:01–Ask Questions!
The third thing that I do when I am interacting with parents is I ask questions of them. This is true, even when I’m calling because I need to have a difficult conversation with a parent. But ask lots of questions and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.
You don’t have to ask academic questions. Ask about things that motivate their child and things that their child is interested in. What is it that this particular student is doing at home? What do they enjoy doing when they’re not having to do their schoolwork? Then when they give you answers, share in their joy when they share information with you. If they’re sharing something exciting that’s important to their child or important to them, be excited with them! Even if you’re not excited, if you can be enthusiastic in your response with them, it helps them to see that you are partners and that you’re not just the professional here that is giving the answers to the questions in the parent-teacher relationship. Really we’re all on the same team for students.
8:20–Invite Their Involvement
The next thing and final thing that I do to help parents to be warm and receptive and willing to listen and cooperate is I invite their involvement. Parents love their children, and they may not be able to be at the school but they want their kids to know that they care.
There are lots of ways that we can involve parents at the school! My favorite thing to do is to ask parents to volunteer for their child’s classroom. Some parents can’t come in person because they’re at their own job working. But I’ve done things like sending home big batches of laminating to be cut out. And I have asked parents to crowdsource when I needed resources or supplies for a special project. That helps the parents to feel like they are doing something active to help their child experience something joyful at school.
This generation of parents and most of the parents at the school where I teach, (I’m an elementary school teacher) are my peers. This particular generation and the one coming behind us are brilliant at crowdsourcing. So let them exercise what they’re good at, and then praise the mess out of them and thank them profusely when they deliver on what they said they will do! Let’s say you’re doing a special craft project for one of your math lessons. If you need some special supplies, call on a parent that you know is well connected and ask them to crowdsource the solution for you. This helps the parent to feel involved, and it’ll probably save you a lot of money and time. And that allows you to recoup some of your personal life! So that’s just a little bonus tip for you today. And if you’re needing to do some crowdsourcing, a great place to do that is on your weekly newsletter or email, whatever your regular means of communication with parents is. I realize that looks different for every classroom these days, but whatever you’re doing, if you’re doing a crowdsourcing thing, make sure that you help the parent out that you’ve asked to spearhead this by including their instructions in your weekly email to make their job easier.
Another way that I love to invite involvement is to invite regular visits into the classroom. In the past, I’ve had a volunteer orientation that I did with parents that wanted to come on a certain regular schedule. And by doing that, it allowed them to take ownership of what needed to be done. So I would spend one hour giving all of my parent volunteers an orientation on “When you get to the classroom, do this.” And then they just get to show up on Tuesday morning at nine o’clock every Tuesday, and they already know what they’re supposed to be doing! It doesn’t interrupt your classroom, routine and rhythm or your lesson flow. They just walk in and get to work. You’re going to have to teach them what your system is. People want to please, and they will go to the moon and back to do it if you’ll just show them how! Here’s another bonus tip: the same is true for your students, if you will just show them explicitly how to do what you’re asking them to do! They want to please you, and they will go to the moon and back to do it right if you will lovingly show them how.
The final way that I like to invite parent involvement is just to use an app to communicate with parents. I do have a personal favorite, but there’s a lot of good ones out there. So my suggestion would be to make a few fake classes on all of the different apps and find the one that’s the right fit for you.
11:02–Quick Recap
If you will take the time to build relationships to build bridges with parents by having voice to voice contact and be encouraging and inquisitive and reaching out to bring them into the fold of your classroom so to speak, you will find that parents are very eager to collaborate with you and be teammates with you even–and especially–on challenging circumstances involving their child!
12:41–Where I Started
So where did I start with these suggestions that I just gave you? I suggested four things: Number one, call parents whenever possible. Number two, compliment their children on your first interaction, if possible. Number three, ask questions, and number four invite involvement.
So the one that I start with is actually number two on the list! It took me a hot minute to come around to number one, which is making phone calls. If I could do it all over, I’d start with making in-person or voice to voice contact. Hindsight is always 20/20. If you’re just starting your teaching career, or maybe you’ve been in it for a while, like me and just need permission to pivot, start with making voice to voice contact whenever possible.
At the end of the day, following these suggestions in order gives a more clear-cut path towards the destination that you’re trying to get to. However, any of these ideas will be a positive step towards helping parents feel like they can trust you to love their family and not just their child well.
14:37–A FREE Formula for Calling Parents!
So which step will you start with? If you choose to start with making phone calls and really aren’t sure what to say, I’ve written out the formula I always use when contacting parents. It works for both celebration and challenging discussion phone calls. Normally it’s only included in the Win With Kids Playback Bundle. But for this week only, it’s available as a free download when you visit https://beyondthebedlam.com/episode 20. If you’re listening to this episode in real-time, you have until September 4, 2022 to snag the freebie, friend.
15:18–Yay YOU!
I am so glad you’re committed to building bridges with families for the success of your students. You are awesome for that.
Until next time, I’m cheering you on as you do the hard work to help students succeed!
I’m so glad that you’ve joined us today! I can’t wait to visit with you again, and until then, I’m in your corner cheering you on!
If you’ve enjoyed today’s show, remember to subscribe to the podcast before you close your app so you won’t miss future tips, tricks, and triumphs we’ll share along the way! And I’d be honored for you to share this podcast with a teacher mom friend who might be encouraged by listening along too! Talk with you soon!