links mentioned in this episode
Episode 1 (Step by Step instructions on how to do a Brain Bedlam Briefing!)
show transcript
Welcome to Beyond the Bedlam, Episode 15!
Today I’m sharing the behind the scenes details about the time I decided to quit coordinating chaos. I’m telling the truth about what my life actually looked like and how I made the shift from chaos to calm.
Pop in your earbuds and join me for this truth-telling walk down the road I took toward calm.
Before I dive in to today’s episode, I wanted to take a quick moment to tell you that you are seen. Chances are good if you’re listening to this episode that you’re feeling a little overwhelmed in your own life’s chaos. If that’s you, hang in there, and be sure to check today’s show notes or episode description to grab a link to resources to encourage you on your own journey. I’m cheering for your success! Ok, let’s get going!
I can’t believe I’m even sharing this story with you today, but here we are. It’s important to me to always tell the truth, and the truth is that everyone is a walking story, and no story is all sunshine and rainbows. And I’m no exception. Hang with me through the dirty parts of this story, though, because at the end of the episode, I have a resource to help you start simplifying your own chaos.
The year was sometime around 2016. I don’t remember the exact date, but this particular evening, I had gone to a meeting for a side business I was running at the time. While I was at this meeting, I sat next to a teacher friend, and we got to talking about how busy our brains were. We flitted from one subject to the next throughout the course of the night. I honestly don’t remember all of the things we talked about or really many other details of the meeting, but I remember we both had lots of projects and ideas, responsibilities and dreams. Both of us were too busy to slow down much, but we had a passion for our work at home, at school, and in our individual businesses. What stuck out the most to me about our conversation was feeling validated that I had visited with someone who had similar experiences as me.
The truth was that my scatterbrained-ness kept our home in a constant state of chaos. There were “loose ends” left untied everywhere. From laundry that was piled on the couch (or still laying dirty all over the bedroom) to bills that I couldn’t locate because I laid them in a “super safe spot” to kids that were misbehaving because I wasn’t being consistent with them, my whole life felt like a chaos bomb had exploded everywhere. My poor super-organized and ultra patient husband was left trying to pick up my literal and figurative messes, and I was stuck in a constant state of overwhelm.
To be fair, we were in the throes of parenting a preschooler and toddler, and I was only a year or so in to teaching at a new school. But our life was CRAZY. And it was HARD. And I wanted something to change.
So this particular night when I walked in the door from this meeting, I remember walking straight to my husband’s man cave and telling him that I had visited with this teacher friend whose experience was similar to mine. He shared my joy that I didn’t feel alone, and I went back to the living room to start thinking about what I could do to help make our family’s life less chaotic.
I should stop here to give an important side note. If this is your first episode, it’s important for you to know that my husband is a licensed professional counselor. To be honest, he’s brilliant, and at this particular moment in time in this story, I was not yet ready to admit that. But he was gracious to allow me to arrive at my own conclusions about how my chaos was creating instability in our family.
Back to the living room that evening…. I dove in hard and fast on learning as much as I could about organization. I enrolled in online classes. I made and remade schedules and plans. But the truth of the matter is that none of those pieces started becoming helpful to me until one critical thing happened.
So what was the thing that made the biggest difference in moving from chaos to calm? This one thing was like the first domino in a whole long maze of dominoes. Without this first one, none of the others could be knocked over!
The most critical piece of my journey from chaos to calm was having a teachable spirit.
If I’m being honest, it’s not one of my finer qualities that I like for things to be *my* idea. Coming to a place where I was willing to accept that my ideas had brought about chaos and that I needed to try someone else’s idea was hard for me. But I committed to doing the learning and giving it a shot.
For weeks and months, I buckled down to study all things organization. I finished those classes I signed up for. I listened to podcast after podcast. I joined social media discussion groups. I bought all the things. And guess what? To my perfectionist dismay, it was MESSY.
I had decided in my head that a journey toward calm would be picture perfect. Actual messes in our home would be cleaned up. Ideological messes would be eliminated. But sometimes the narratives we have in our heads and the circumstances we are actually living out just don’t match. And that’s where the second most important part of my journey to calm comes in.
I decided not to quit. There are people who call this the “messy middle,” and it turns out that they’re RIGHT. Being willing to go through the messy middle where nothing you’re trying is working and committing to doing the difficult work of figuring it out anyway is the difference between staying stuck in chaos and moving toward calm. The truth is that moving toward calm isn’t always calm! And that’s ok! There will always be “moving parts.” Even the best laid plans are going to fall apart sometimes. But determining that you will stay the course and see it to completion is CRITICAL to your success here, friends.
Humor me this… Most of you who have listened to multiple episodes know that I am a Christ-follower. Jesus has changed my life, and to be honest, apart from Him, I am nothing. My best is filthy rags to him. But in his great kindness, Jesus not only cleaned up the worst mess of my sinful heart, He also makes a way to help me become more like him one little step at a time. In fact, in his letter to the Philippians, Paul talks about Christ being faithful to bring to completion the good work He started in us. If God Himself is not giving up on the good work He has started in my life, who am I to say that I should give up on pursuing the completion of that work?!?
Deciding to diligently pursue calm even in the midst of chaos–and keep pursuing it when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, and not yet fruitful will ultimately give you the opportunity to let little changes take root in your heart and in the daily pieces of your life.
Which leads to the last key in my transformation from chaos to calm: embracing change as incremental.
Anyone who knows me well is probably laughing right now. It’s true: I’m an all or nothing, go big or go home, finish it or die trying, kind of girl. So accepting incremental change is VERY difficult for me. In fact, next to humbling myself toward having a teachable spirit, this was probably the most difficult part of my transformation.
I like results. We all do! Why else would we spend our hard-earned money on resources that help us give the appearance of results–espeically if they come quickly? Everything from hair color to self-help books to planners and products that promote a healthy lifestyle are things we don’t question spending our money on because we want results.
But when it comes to waiting for those results? That’s hard. We want to wake up tomorrow and have a different life. We want to look different–NOW. We want to have a new habit–NOW.
So how did I come to appreciate the small changes? By celebrating the small wins! I learned to set goals and break them into small pieces and celebrate when one little bitty tiny piece of a goal was accomplished! I learned to reflect at the end of the day and find ONE little win that moved me closer to the reality I was wanting. I practiced being excited when I made decisions that were more aligned with moving away from chaos–even if there were still chaotic pieces of my life.
In 2016, I could have never dreamed that my life would feel more simple. I would have laughed had someone told me that eventually I would find a system that didn’t have to be changed every week or even every year to help me feel calm and centered! I would have probably burst into tears if someone had told me that 6 years later I would still be figuring out some of the smaller details. But I sure would have celebrated that eventually I would get it!
In all honesty, I did not wake up and find a calm and peaceful life on the other side of making a decision to learn how to ditch the chaos. At the time, I wished I could have snapped my fingers and been on the other side of it, but it turns out that there is DEEP joy in the process. That messy middle we talked about a few minutes ago? 100% worth it! The calm I experience in the classroom, in my relationships with family and friends, and in our home far outweighs any of the difficulties I experienced on the journey.
Is my life perfect? No. It will not be on this side of heaven. And yours won’t be either. That will only come when God brings complete restoration to the way He intended this world to function. But along the way, He gives us graces to help us pursue that day. You can be sure that God will complete his good work in your life!
You might be listening and thinking “Lauren, your story is all nice and good, but what about me? What about today? What can I do RIGHT NOW to start pursuing getting out of the chaos?
I could literally talk about this all day. I really geek out on this kind of thing! Truly!
But if I could give you only ONE practical thing to do after you decide to learn how to pursue calm, it would be to do a Brain Bedlam Briefing.
That’s a fancy term I coined for a brain dump. I literally do not like that term. To be honest, a Brain Bedlam Briefing is such a powerful tool–moreso than just free writing ideas without a purpose. This exercise helps me to INFORM my brain of what’s making it crazy.
If you’d like a detailed look into how to do a proper Brain Bedlam Briefing, check out Episode 1 where I took a deeper dive into this topic!
At the beginning of today’s show, I promised you a free resource to encourage you on your journey, and I’m here to deliver on that now! Click the link in today’s show notes at beyondthebedlam.com/episode15 to grab my free template for a guided Brain Bedlam Briefing! I hope this resource will be a true blessing to you as you pursue calm out of the chaos.
Friends, I’m so glad you’ve joined us today. I can’t wait to visit with you again, and until then, I’m in your corner cheering you on!
If you’ve enjoyed today’s show, remember to subscribe to the podcast before you close your app so you won’t miss future tips, tricks, and triumphs we’ll share along the way! And I’d be honored for you to share this podcast with a teacher mom friend who might be encouraged by listening along too! Talk with you soon!